I must be the most unloveable person in the world. There is no joy in the journey to 25 when you are always alone. The shit people talk about saying people will fall in love with you because of your personality is crap. The world is all about looks. Lets face it, I don't have them. I wish I didn't live in such a shallow society. I'm always going to be alone, I better get freaking use to it. The only problem I have with it is how much the thought of never getting married or having children makes my body ache. I guess sometimes no matter how much you pray to God, the answer will sometimes be no. I can't convience my heart of that though. It's breaking.

I guess I'll just keep watching my Orioles, lets face it, they are the only thing I love that won't break me in two. No matter how bad they play, they are right back the next day to make me smile again.

I just wish that this husband thing was one thing God would say yes to. I don't think I ask for a whole thought, I guess I do though.

Fitting In

This is me, in all my orange and black, Oriole fanatics. As you can see and many of you already know, I don't technically "fit in" in today's society. But you know what? I don't really care. I was inspired by a friend's facebook status which read:

"I may not be the most beautiful, or the sexiest, nor do I have the perfect body. I might not be everyone's first choice, but I'm a great choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but ...I'm proud of who I am today. Take... me as I am or watch me as I walk away!"

You know what's sad, too often in today's society do women (and men too) forget this. We forget that we are made in God's image, that we look the way we look because we were fashioned in God's image and each of us is a wonderful masterpiece. We focus to much on our flaws, we are all guilty of this, I tend to focus on my fat and my freckles. While I am trying to lose the weight and have come to the realization I am stuck with the freckles, everyday I forget to look at what truly makes me beautiful. I'm a freak, I am a Hard core Catholic, die-hard, scream my heart out, Orioles fan who listen to Christmas music year round, and would do anything for the people in my life, child of God.

I have decided that I have my priorities all wrong, I have been focused on finding my future husband since my last break up years ago. I have been down many wrong roads, tried Internet dating, nothing has worked. I'm not giving up I just finally listened to God. He's been trying to tell me to wait for Him. I am always worried about "my time" when really I should be on God's time. So I have closed my Internet dating profiles and decided to no longer look, just pray and listen to God speak. It's like my "theme song" Haven't Met You Yet by Michale Buble says "Where ever you are, WHEN EVER IT'S RIGHT, you'll come out of no where and into my life".

Last week I had my facebook status as "I think I was born in the wrong decade", I'm old fashioned, I HATE going out to bars, I really don't think I'm going to find my Mr. Right at a bar (unless it's Theology on Tap). I hate the crowds, I hate being hit on, it's not for me, I am totally uncomfortable and don't like it, so I don't go and my friends don't seem to understand that. I have to do what's right for me. I'm different, I don't fit the mold, I sew, I bake, I really think I may have done better in the 1950's, but truth is, God had me live in this life time for a reason and I'm going to do my best to follow His path for me.

Another thing that makes me sad is how much the media portrays sex. I have to admit, I am addicted to Jersey Shore, most of us are, but who really wants to live life that way? It may be funny to watch them do it, but who wants to use sex and drinking like that? What satisfaction are the getting? Nothing long term that's for sure, they want the immediate satisfaction where me, I want to fight to live my life the way I was raised to and suffer here on earth so that I can have eternal life in heaven with my God and my loved ones. That is the greatest joy. I was at the doctor's today (I have a sinus infection), and before he would put me on anti-biotics of course he has to ask me "the questions", any chance I could be pregnant, am I on birth control, etc to which the answer was clearly to me, NO. We live in a world today where these are questions that have to be asked, the doctor doesn't know my personal beliefs, I don't have Catholic Virgin stamped across my forehead, I just hate that in today's society people look at you and "assume" you've had sex. I haven't and I'm proud of that.

I also hate how t.v. depicts sex and that being a virgin is "bad" or "embarrassing", I think that pretty much everyone who knows me, learns my opinion and beliefs relatively soon after speaking with me. I am determined to save my self for marriage and I'm proud of that and if I would have to for some reason, I would scream it from the mountain tops because it's NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

Sometimes society gets me down, sometimes I look at a magazine and think, I wish I could look like that, sometimes my own sisters make fun of me because I "dress like a nun" because I prefer the modest look.

I need to remember to let it roll off my back. I'm not perfect, I have flaws, I have a mouth like a sailor, I really don't like going to Confession, you may even go as far as to say my love for the Orioles is a bit of a flaw, I know it is, but I don't care. This is me, it's who I am, it's who God put me on this earth to be. I am His instrument, I am here to get His word out, go forth and evangelize. In a way I'd like to think I am with this blog.

Truth is, many people in the world are like me, we hang in the background and let the "stars" take the spot light. Think for a moment of who your heroes are, think of what they do, I'm not saying all people are bad, some of us have really awesome heroes, but maybe some of you should take a step back and re-evaluate. Are the people you hold to a higher regard someone you would like to be like? Maybe you should think about the people in the Bible. Maybe someone you know at your church who is striving to life a good God driven life.

For me, my heroes are my Nana, JP2, Mother Theresa, my mom, my Pop-Pop, Cal Ripken Jr, St. Bernadette, St. Maria Goretti and Mother Theresa. As for the example I set? I am the oldest of three girls, I have 8 younger cousins, I teach kindergarten CCD, I want to be the kind of person that these people can look up to, I want to set a good example. I think I am. These people may never come up to me and ask me about my choices or talk to me about anything personal, but maybe I can make a silent impact on there lives. We are living in difficult times, people think the end of the world is in 2012, I personally don't believe it, but what if it's true, are you ready? What will St. Peter say to you? No one knows, we can not judge, we will all be judged one day and no one person (unless you are Mother Theresa or Pope John Paul the Great) can pretty much guarantee you will be allowed through the pearly gates, but is it something you are willing to risk for just a few moments of satisfaction on earth? I want to spend my eternity with my dearly departed grandfathers who were taken from me too soon, I want to spend it talking and walking with Jesus and I am not willing to through that away for a night of passion. No way, sad thing is, many people these days just don't understand that. I will pray for you all tonight. Whether you needed to read this or not, if I offended you, so what, I already stated, I don't fit in :-D

Tugging at my heart

I know it's been a while since I've blogged about my list. Things have gotten off to a slow start, I am eating healthier, while I'm not sure if the weight is coming off, I feel A LOT better, I don't actually own a scale so....

Also I did do 1 "scary" thing thus far. I attended Theology on Tap and while it's not "scary" really, for me, I'm not fond of some social situations where I feel everyone around me is more in tune with the Catholic faith, my dear friend Theresa suggested that we go and while I normally make up an excuse, I said, stick to the list and do it! I benefited greatly! It was my first Theology experience and I enjoyed it and will be going again the first Wednesday of September. I reconnected with an old friend who things totally fell apart with in the past 5 years and can honestly say, for the first time I feel like we are truly friends again and that's nice.

I am also looking into possibly volunteering at the Humane League, but not sure how my dog will feel about that... she gets mad when I come home smelling of other dogs.

Now to the real reason I am writting my blog. The blind date. I want to achieve that goal. I have prayed for my future husband for years, I have done the whole online dating thing, talked with a few gentleman, but one of us usely stops talking to the other, it just doesn't feel right. I mentioned it in my old blog, I really don't think the online dating this is going to be the right course for me. It is for many people, my best friend met her husband that way, but for me it doesn't feel right. I even went as far as meeting someone off of avemariasingles.com but nothing came from that, it wasn't the right fit, he wasn't the "one".

I am coming here to ask the few people that follow my blog, a question. I am friends with many wonderful Catholic people. Do any of you know of a good Catholic man who is found of dogs, likes baseball and can carry on a conversation? If so I would really like to meet him. I have a tugging at my heart tonight that feels this may be the way I meet him. I have a feeling that I will meet him through a friend, who has ties close to my faith. Call me crazy, I most likely am. But can any of you think of such a man? I would want to go on a blind date, but may need a friend to come along also, to make sure I don't chicken out. I've been living too sheltered of a life. I am 24 and never been kissed. I haven't had butterflies in my stomach over a guy for 5 years.... it's time to get off this constant circle I'm on. I need to step up and through the grace of God allow him to make it happen. I need to stop trying to control it.

I am going to keep praying, keep looking and trust God, but if anyone can think of this man. Send him my e-mail. Catholicgirl450@aol.com I would greatly appreciate it.

The Complete and Final List

Here you go dear readers, the finalized list:

1. Lose 75lbs.
2. Get a tattoo
3. Go on a blind date
4. Have my first real kiss
5. Travel somewhere I have never been before
6. Do at least 1 thing a month that scares me.
7. Go hiking.
8. Go to a karoke bar and sing my lungs out.
9. Read the Bible cover to cover.
10.Pray a 54 day novena
11.Make confession a more regular part of my spiritual life
12.Journal on a daily basis (not always blogging, but a real physical journal).
13.Be the Orioles fan of the game.
14.Take a class.
15.Help save dogs in some way, by donation or even rescuing a puppy (if my parents allow).
16.See a show on Broadway.
17.Take a trip to Carlo's bakery in New Jersey.
18.Go Dancing
19.Visit Grandma on a more regular basis.
20.Finish my scrapbooking projects I started years ago.
21.Purchase a lap top.
22.Purchase a new car (or at least new to me)
23.Open a savings account at a credit union, not just relying on my checking account.
24.Make more time in my life for friends, especially those I hardly see because I'm "busy" or "tired".
25.Fix my guitar and begin learning to play once again.

There you go, the final list, 25 things I MUST do before I turn 25! Let the fun begin! Wish me luck!

Additions to the list

12. Journal on a daily basis (not always blogging, but a real physical journal).
13. Be the Orioles fan of the game.
14. Take a class.
15. Help save dogs in some way, by donation or even rescuing a puppy (if my parents allow).
16. See a show on Broadway.
17. Take a trip to Carlo's bakery in New Jersey.
18. Take my mom for a massage.
19. Visit Grandma on a more regular basis.
20. Finish my scrapbooking projects I started years ago.
21. Purchase a lap top.
22. Purchase a new car (or at least new to me)
23. Open a savings account at a credit union, not just relying on my checking account.
24. Make more time in my life for friends, especially those I hardly see because I'm "busy" or "tired".
25.

I need one more. This isn't a fully published list yet, it's not complete. Stay tuned. On July 6th I will post the final copy of my list. I have till then, excatly 1 week to make any changes I feel necessary. After that all of the above and below items must be completed. I am looking forward to this journey and sharing it will all of you. God bless!

The List

well the rough draft of the list that is. The following are some of the goals I am setting for the upcoming year. They are in no particular order.

1. Lose 75lbs.
2. Get a tattoo
3. Go on a blind date
4. Have my first real kiss
5. Travel somewhere I have never been before
6. Do at least 1 thing a month that scares me.
7. Go hiking.
8. Go to a karoke bar and sing my lungs out.
9. Take a history class.
10. Pray a 54 day novena
11. Make confession a more regular part of my spiritual life.

I still need 14 more... suggestions???

New Blog

Hi All,

New blog, fresh start I feel. This is an experiment. Tomorrow will be 1 month until my 24th birthday. I am going to take those 30 days and come up with a list of 25 things to do before my 25th birthday. I want these 25 things to be something a little daring, to help me grow as a person. I have sheltered myself for too long now. This is my journey and this will be the blog were it is all shared. Feel free to leave me ideas.

I'm going to give myself a year to complete these things. This will be a great adventure. And when I turn a quarter of a century old, I'll have a story to tell :-D

Please come along with me and see what you think.

God bless!

Love Kelly